My Terry Fox Fantasy | Alopexian Philosophy

This is the home page. Above is the actual running diary of Terry Fox in late January 1980. It gave me the idea to enhance the diary I kept at the time into an alternate 1980, in which I meet Terry in Québec. Over the first half of the year, I will be placing real entries and sketches and adding alternate entries and sketches of 1980.

Also from the book "Terry":

Entries from 26 and 27 April 1980:

Terry Fox is my hero, in fact the greatest of my contempories.

If we didn't have dreams, we'd have only reality. -- Porkypine, from the comic "Pogo"

I am now working on a comic of my fantasy.

Soon I'll upload the first three pages of my comic.

More to come the rest of the year

If we didn't have dreams, we'd have only reality. -- Porkypine, from the comic "Pogo"

My Terry Fox Fantasy

Mid Spring 1980

As my last term as an undergraduate fades away, I look forward to graduation.

Fri 25 Apr MI awoke today to the Iranian desert on the television. A failed attempt to rescue the hostages ended in eight deaths of the rescuers. Jimmy Carter looks so much like a bumbling fool on this one. Sun 27 Apr MIt's Mom's birthday, and I wrote how I am so looking forward to the summer. The Centre Daily Times has a Herblock cartoon which shows how the Iranian desert disaster just continues the frustration in the sixth month of the hostage crisis. I suppose next Ronald Reagan will act tough on this one, perhaps even showing up at the Bronx before the election.One of my art classes had a trip to New York City this weekend. I couldn't go because I was working this weekend at the Engineering Library. Meanwhile someone complained to management about my radio with American Top 40 on. I moved it farther into the backroom.

Wed 30 Apr FThe final month has come. It's a good thing I'm not moving out as well; I'd have little time to clean up the place. As it stands, the room will serve as a storage pending whether I get into grad school. Tue 6 May FI have just enough time to place a few notes in between classes and work. There is a rumor that Karen Carpenter has recorded a solo album. Supposedly Herb Alpert and Richard Carpenter are not amused.Meanwhile the referendum in Québec lurks two weeks away. Between La Presse and the Toronto Globe and Mail, it appears that the polls are very close in Québec. René Lévèsque worded the referendum rather vaguely. It will probably solve nothing, no matter the result.The last time I was in Québec, the tension was not so apparent. I didn't mention the separatist feeling at the time, although I was quite aware of it. Chambermaids never seem to speak English in the hotels, so I caution everyone who plans to travel to Québec to take a phrasebook, if not some command of French.

Alternate 1980

If we didn't have dreams, we'd have only reality. -- Porkypine, from the comic "Pogo"

My Terry Fox Fantasy

Late Spring 1980

May 1980 as I finish my undergraduate time at Penn State

Fri 9 May M"Sitting in the kitchen, coffee on the boil..."So begins the song I first heard at WDFM this morning. Among the albums I checked in, Flash in the Pan showed "Lights in the Night". That tune has been playing in my head all day. When I came home from grocery shopping at Riverside, I felt the existential nausea. Instead of putting the fruit away, I placed them on the bedspread. I sketched a colorized still life. The Pirates game was on the television, as if I really cared about it at that time. I just felt such a sense of uselessness and purposelessness. It was as if Jean-Paul Sartre himself had been present in the former motelroom. Thu 15 May M+FTomorrow's the end of the term and the end of my undergraduate years. Because I am going on a trip to New England and Canada at the end of the month, I have plenty to look forward to.Two weeks until the end of the month and I graduate. I will have to give up marking albums for WDFM for awhile. Given I have no other duties with the station, they shouldn't object. I'll also pay two month's rent ahead while I am gone from State College.

Wed 21 May HFI managed to find out that the referendum lost almost 40-60%. La Presse had a headline yesterday where Pierre Trudeau called the referendum a "cul-de-sac".The Toronto Globe and Mail tended to be neutral on the affair, although polls did show that René Lévèsque would not win this time. I'd like to talk with ordinary Canadians about it. My club of Liberal Arts Council did have a Canadian in it, but I've lost touch. Sun 25 May M+FGeorge Lucas is releasing "The Empire Strikes Back" this weekend, the sequel to "Star Wars". Reviews note that the movie shows it as "Episode V".Graduation lurks on Saturday, and by this time next week, I'll be on my travels to New England. Sun 1 Jun FWhoowhee! I am a college graduate! I have two simultaneous degrees in history and (general) science. An era ended yesterday with graduation, and I face a summer with no certainty about September. Perhaps I should have done for an MBA. I practiced Buddhism today and tried to let go; it helped a little. Last night's dream about meeting my sister's "fiancé" didn't help at all.Tomorrow morning I am paying two months' rent before I begin my trip. My itinerary looks like this: I will spent a week or so in New England, then cross into Canada in New Brunswick, go through Québec (and practice my French again), then through Ontario. I figure I'll cross back into Detroit and make my way back to Pennsylvania in ten days. Wed 4 Jun FI made my way to Wilkes-Barre on Monday. After a brief visit, I left on Tuesday morning northeasterward. I expect to arrive in Maine by tomorrow to begin my trek northward. New England is so nice and cool in June! We'll probably stay overnight in Vermont. The bus should reach the border with New York State later this afternoon. The weather coöperates so well.

Spring settles into summer.

If we didn't have dreams, we'd have only reality. -- Porkypine, from the comic "Pogo"

My Terry Fox Fantasy

June 1980

René Lévèsque loses big on the référendum.
Does it calm the divisions in Canada?

Wed 11 Jun FMy itinerary took a huge turn today. I was walking to Andréville when I came across two guys who simply couldn't communicate in French. Both are Canadians, yet neither knew much of the other official language. Darrell and Doug asked me to come along as an interpreter. I figured I could save some money by doing so, so I agreed.Only when I went back to their van did I realize the magnitude of my commitment. They are part of the Terry Fox Marathon of Hope. I met Terry at the van, and we struck up a converstion. Rather than asking a slew of questions, I chose to observe for a few days and let Darrell and Doug be my guides.Watching Terry run on a prosthesis alone is impressive enough, but he handles himself well in his passionate speaking about the need to promote research on childhood cancer. As I write this, I have the feeling I am part of history, ironic because I just graduated with a degree in that subject, albeit American history.The guys are retiring early, so I guess I'm going early as well. Fortunately, I tend to get up early and work well in the morning, so I should fit in. Sat 14 Jun HFJust watching Terry run every day remains fascinating. I've become used to his hop skip along the highway, although I cannot fathom why he runs on the right side of the road. The people seem quite ignorant of what he's doing, even after I explain the Marathon de l'Espoir to them! Mon 16 Jun HFI look forward to visiting Québec City. The three times I visited Montréal in successive Aprils never provided a chance to see Québec City. Wed 18 Jun The backroads Terry runs are so dangerous. The vehicles whiz past within a meter. We must find a safer place for him to run. Sun 22 JunTerry ran through quiet streets as I returned to Montréal today. Izzy Sharp provided the guys with a luxury suite at ther Four Seasons Hotel, so I'm stuck sleeping in the van alone. Bill Vigars, the coordinator for the Canadian Cancer Society, arranged to delay Terry a day, so he could arrive in Ottawa on Dominion Day. It just means I'll be with the guys a little longer.The provincial police really gave Terry problems with the run along the highways. Despite my help, there seems to be barriers of publicity in addition to language.I did some sightseeing this week. While in Québec City, I went to see the Plains of Abraham. It was much more than learning about the French and Indian War (or the Seven Years' War in Europe) in seventh grade a decade ago.While we were stopped yesterday some of the native females approached Terry for autographs. One of them had a newpaper with the headline "Unijambiste Terry Fox fait le combat de sa vie". I translated some of the article for Terry, then I left him with his admirers. I figured they needed no more translation! Mon 23 JunI slept in the van while Terry, Doug, and Darrell slept in a suite at the Four Seasons Hotel. When I went to tell them I was going to sightsee because Terry was taking the day off, I had a lapse. Two maids wanted to know if we needed anything. Darrell told me that they needed towels, and they needed an hour before the maids could come back to freshen the room.So I began in French, for the maids refused to speak English, "Nous avons besoin de..." I could not remember the word for towel, because it is the same for napkin. Finally one said "serviette", and I remembered and agreed. At least I did say, "après une heure" correctly translated. Tue 24 JunTerry left the luxury of Montréal and headed out of town. We're scheduled to leave Québec around Saturday. Whiel I was touring Montréal, I went to see "The Empire Strikes Back". There was not yet a version française. I was so occupied that I forgot that my hometown went underwater eight years ago. Sat 28 JunI still feel overwhelmed from witnessing the triumphant entry into Ontario. Terry's fans lined up all along the bridge over the Ottawa River. Once we were over I had a queer sensation as I looked back at Québec. I was wondering whether I would step back into the province again.It was a little sad as well, for the challenge of speaking two languages seemed to evaporate. My use to the Marathon of Hope faded as well. Terry wanted me to follow into Ontario in case we ran into monolinguistic French speakers. I've already traded Dominion Day for Independence Day because I've never been to Ottawa. When Doug heard that I've never been to Toronto, he invited me to stay with them until they reached there. Terry's schedule placed him at Nathan Phillips Square on my birthday.I agreed to follow to Toronto simply because I knew that the guys would certainly no longer need me, and that Ontario would prove a very long stretch. I figured Terry wouldn't reach his native province of Manitoba until late September. I wanted to leave my new friends on a climax. Besides, I had to return to Pennsylvania by mid-July just to check on my application for a graduate teaching assistantship.

My quick draws of Terry at various positions
He's one guy who should be drawn!

My Great Adventure in Ontario

Some artist quick drawed me!

Wed 2 JulYesterday was my first Dominon Day, and it was quite a show. This morning Terry and we met the prime minister. It reminded me that the presidential election still looms at home.Last night was very emotional at the Canadian football game between Saskatchewan and Ottawa. The crowd went wild as the announcer tried to introduce Terry. Bill Vigars was almost in tears, and so was I. I drank deeply of the moment as it occurred. Terry kicked the opening with his natural leg. I was worried he'd fall trying to balance on his prothesis. I can only imagine how much more draining Toronto will be in nine days! Fri 4 JulI spent the first Independence Day out of the country rather blandly. Since we came into Ontario nealy a week ago, I've had only two occasions for interpreting. Leslie Scrivener joined us at the border to report for the Toronto Star. She confided in me that the Star is going to fly in the Foxes for a reunion when Terry gets to Toronto. It only convinces me that leaving the Marathon of Hope the end of next week is the best course to follow. I must leave at the climax and follow Terry the rest of the way from State College. I know the media will ignore him, but Pattee Library will have copies of the Toronto Globe and Mail and La Presse, and maybe even the Vancouver Sun. Mon 7 JulI had a rare opportunity to talk with Terry alone. He and I began discussing the whole picture of the Marathon of Hope. I could see in his cerulean eyes his very soul. The Marathon of Hope would go on, regardless whether he finished.I felt a spiritual connection with Terry, so I asked him about the rumors that his health might be failing. I'd found out about his bleeding stump, but my concern rose when I'd heard about his hypermyotropic left ventricle. I'd also seen the determination, the perseverance, and the tenacity in those same eyes.Finally, I asked about the report he'd been under the shower nearly an hour at the Four Seasons Hotel two weeks ago. What was he thinking? He gave me a gelasined smile and said it was between him and God. With that burst of spiritual energy, I left him alone in thought. Fri 11 Jul I'm 23 and actuated!Last night in Scarborough, Terry spoke as eloquently as I've heard anyone. As he hinted a few days ago, he realizes that the Marathon of Hope operates independently of him. He wants it to go on, regardless of whether he finish. He met a girl who survived kidney cancer, and I could see how he wished every child with cancer could do the same.Toronto apppears ready for the grand entrance to Nathan Phillips Square. I am standing outside the hotel, and I just saw Darryl Sittler go in! I'm tempted to follow to see Terry's reaction. The temperature approaches 30º today, just about right for a summer day in Toronto. Crowds are already lined up to the square on University Drive. It's midafternoon, and I can still feel the thrill. When Terry ran down University Drive, I was running some thirty meters behind him. Darryl Sittler, Doug, and Darrell were in front of me, and I had to watch the van, but I could feel the energy. The roar of the crowd mixed with the feel of the heat on my skin. As my legs pumped along, I felt the adrenalin flow throughout my body. It felt like a dream.When Terry reached Nathan Phillips Square, I stood behind a blond newsman as he shook a microphone. Crowd estimates far exceeded the predicted three thousand. Terry spoke in front of his family. They came yesterday, and I slept in the van again to give them time together. I'll probably spend my last night in the van tonight. Sat 12 JulI waited until Terry took his morning break before saying goodbye to the Marathon of Hope. A month was definitely enough! Terry was going to loop through southern Ontario and return to Toronto, but I had to get off. As I was leaving, I gave Terry a United States dollar. "We get cancer there as well," I said. Terry was beaming as I left.I spent more time in Canada than I'd planned, so I decided to go to Buffalo instead of Detroit. I simply had no time to go around Lake Erie. I'd originally intended to be in State College for the Arts Festival, which will end tomorrow. I headed for Hamilton. Sun 13 JulI arrived in Hamilton last night, and I'm taking a bus to Buffalo. Once there, I'm going to head south. I think I can get to Erie late tomorrow.After a month of excitement and the climax on Friday, bus rides seem dull. The Marathon of Hope exhausted me in exchange of preserving my cash. I'll just sleep as much as I can on the bus. I am anxious to get into State College by Wednesday, the birthday of our illustrious governor (Dick Thornburgh). Mon 14 Jul Le Quatorze JuilletI must wait until tonight to travel to Erie and then to Pittsburgh. I am sleeping on buses nearly every night. Already I'm weary of stations, especially after the constant moving through Québec and Ontario. Tue 15 JulI had to travel to Pittsburgh to catch a bus to State College, so I guess I'll sleep on the way. I arrived at the station too late to catch the last bus today. With a little luck, I'll be home early in the afternoon. Wed 16 JulI came into State College early in the afternoon, and I walked home from the station on Atherton Street. When I went to the office for my mail, I was disappointed. I will have to check with the History Department tomorrow. Thu 17 Jul R+F (no more historical fiction)I resumed my duties at WDFM, and there were a few albums no one had marked this month. I had to check if they were duplicates. Then I went to see "The Empire Strikes Back" again. I asked about the Arts Festival I missed, but I guess I won't get any enjoyment until next year. How I wish I could watch such movies in foreign languages! (a foreshadowing of the future)Phyllis Diller is 63. How I miss that fun back in the mid to late '60's.

The climax of my summer lasted all too little.

My quickdraw of Terry Fox when he wasn't watching

As I finished the most memorable part of summer 1980

My Terry Fox Fantasy

Rest of Summer 1980

I find a pleasant surprise after I get home.

In 1978, I began to translate cartoons from MAD &
CRACKED into French and German, which continued into 1980!

Mon 21 Jul RWhat a day following a wild week. Thursday I saw "Empire Strikes Back", and, of course, I grabbed the book on Saturday. I was in the production room today when Dxxx Yxxxx was forced to talk to me. (a great antagonist).Then, at 4:07 PM, I received a delightful call giving me the elusive assistantship I've been waiting so long for. I don't think the news settled in yet, or maybe I had expected it all along. Somehow I think I was supposed to go on this route.Memory:E Kepler Sones asked me to come in early tomorrow. I replied I'd be there today if it hadn't been so late in the day. I'll also inform welfare that I'm off it in September (Fantasy is SO much better than reality.) I was SO happy that I turned on "Hot Stuff" and danced around the room to Donna Summer. (The song was a year old at that time.) Wed 23 Jul RI thought I'd get some board training in today, but Bxxxxx Mxxxxx failed me again, so there goes five hours. At least I got all my letters done yesterday. Yxxxx and Joel Rosenthal had an altercation this morning of which I experienced but did not take part in. Also my latest production endeavor (for a PSA using Gerry Rafferty's "Royal Mile") may get on the air. I still have a delightful letter to write Fred Stefon (the mentor who steered me into history and who wrote a letter for me to get into graduate school and the teaching assistantship).M Note: I was trying to get on the air at the time, so I needed board training. I could not stand Yxxxxx, who eventually went to jail for armed robbery. Bxxxx Txxx made a vague reference toward placing my creation on the air. It never happened. Sun 27 Jul FWhen I was at Mass yesterday afternoon, I thought about Terry, because his birthday is on Monday. He'll be 22, and his birthday falls on the same day of the week as when he was born. When I first learned about it, I told him he was born on a Monday. He didn't take it well, telling me he didn't like Mondays! God bless Terry Fox on his birthday. I just hope people there know it, and wish him many more!

Fri 1 Aug ROne month to go until my situation changes, probably for the better. I started writing in the back of this diary my reality fantasy "Summer at Dub?, Ya Deaf 'Em", a play on the call letters of the station. Thu 7 Aug RIt's been as hot as Tatooine the last week or so. Bxxxx Mxxxx puts me in a dither with his constant procrastination to get a board test. I'd like to get the silly thing over; it's like a paper fence which I can't penetrate. Do I look incompetent?I'm also working in the fantasy at the middle of this notebook, but the heat makes it difficult -- in fact, laborous -- to write it. I find it harder to do the fantasy parts, which is not so unusual because reality is simply recording as this diary is (but it takes much more effort to place in the fantasy).Perhaps things will get better at the station. Bxxxx Mxxxx just asked me an asinine question about my allegedly labeling duplicates. I stopped doing that last April. Do I look incompetent?Oh, well, I have a (History) 17 test tomorrow, so I must go home and study some more. I can't just sit here and listen to Gilbert O Sullivan's Alone Again (Naturally) Sun 17 Aug RGreetings! Last night, Mom called about giving (Great) Aunt Margaret a graduation picture of which I have none. Only two weeks to go until the grand weekend. (Aunt) Madeline and (Uncle) Bill are coming because the class reunion has been canceled. I have just about finished the first story in this book. All I must do is to tie up any loose ends. Tue 19 Aug RBill Lxxxxx dropped into the (college radio) station today, so I spent much of the afternoon bavarding. I still don't have the epilogue finished, although he read it. Todd Jeffers (a local discjockey) is leaving, so I'll have to bring back Charles Nelson Reilly for (encounters in my comic) Phyllis Diller. Fri 29 Aug RHere I sit in anticipation of company, and Mom's past due her estimated time. I'm playing her album in the interlude. Somehow, tomorrow does not excite me.I feel as tired as a housewife such as one of those characters in "Backstairs at the White House". Yesterday I scrubbed the lawn chairs outside, unfortunately I scrubbed the shower beforehand, and I dusted and swept out this room and defrosted the refigerator. Today I scrubbed the blinds, the windows, and washed the curtains (including the shower curtains), besides the laundry, bought food in the Labor Day rush and coming within a dollar over my available money. I surely hope that Mom brought that $25, or else I'm broke within a dollar.My sister sent me a card and letter which mollified my anger and disappointment of her not coming.

I await as the summer of 1980 fades.

In my real life, the six weeks after Monday, 21 July 1980 were a breeze. I looked forward to the end of summer and the end of my undergraduate years. My Terry Fox fantasy blots out the very bad part of that summer.

If we didn't have dreams, we'd have only reality. -- Porkypine, from the comic "Pogo"

If I were red-haired and kept my present
body, I would look like this at age 23.

I begin graduate school. Wed 3 Sept RWhat a weekend and a week. Sometimes I wonder about my reluctance to write in here. I must admit that the only two things wrong last weekend were minor: the whole group didn't come to the house until Sunday and I didn't get my other diploma (I had two simultaneous bachelor's degrees.) until yesterday because they took off with it before I could get it.Anyway, Labor Day was a hiatus -- I just stayed home doing nothing outside of daily work. At least I had enough money to pay for this month's rent: $135, up $15 (Inflation was 12.2%, and I was living in a former motelroom.) Yesterday appeared normal enough. I went to the station. Then Gary Weiss invited me to Red DogSaloon (the oldies show), so I had fun being coannouncer, a dramatic change from the first Red Dog Saloon of last Fall Term (a disasterous encounter with the returning management on Thursday, 30 August 1979). Not only that, but during the last halfhour (Ray came in around 10), Ray Cromie and I programmed the show. (In six months, we'd be running the show ourselves.) Furthermore, I ran the board. Absolutely delightful! I didn't think anything could top that! (I was wrong, for the rest of the week set up the best two years of my adult life.)Today started normally, too, what I expected. Sometimes I may believe in predestination. At 10:30, I went to 605 Liberal Arts (Now Oswald, who was president of Penn State at the time) Towers to meet the other new grad students, and at 11 AM, the grad assistants the second time around (The assistantships ran two years while the graduate earns a master's degree.) came in. The one I wanted to meet did so in Doctor Goldschmidt's (professor of Middle Eastern History) office. Lee Thomassen and I shared a few hours until two, and then I attempted to get home after dilly dallying downtown (State College). I still didn't get to do (mark) any albums today, although someone else beat me to it. Anyway, I think these next two years may be a repeat of 1977-78 (my best undergraduate year and my second sophomore year) with the free tuition (actually a grant) in the summer. Now I can almost live normally.I spent a good halfhour in my office corner rearranging the desk. Now I won't have my back to my tutees -- heavens to '78 (when I was a voluntary tutor in student government)! I should be satisfied. I could have received a corner booth which is smaller, but then I could have obtained a middle booth which is bigger. (The carrels were quite uneven in space.) As it stands, I procured an eyetril booth on the fifth floor, which is great for my acrophobia. (The window was about twelve meters from the ground.) Thu 4 Sept F (Note: this entry would have happened, F=Fantasy, had I really met Terry that summer.)In the midst of an incredibly wonderful week. I received bad news. I had been following Terry's Marathon of Hope from a distance over the past two months. Today I was in Pattee Library (the main one on campus) when I picked up the Toronto Globe and Mail from Tuesday. Terry had to stop near Thunder Bay! I couldn't get any more information until I looked at La Presse from yesterday. (I could read French.) Terry's cancer has returned!When I arrived home, I searched for his address in Port Coquitlam. I didn't have any get-well cards, so I may have to visit Maclanahan's (a mass murchandiser in downtown State College on Allen Road) tomorrow. Terry's situation has dampened probably the best week of my life. I will pray for him Saturday night (when I used to go to Mass at the Forum on campus). Sun 7 Sept RI thought the week was finished with surprises. Friday night, almost by compulsion, I went to the Pizza Party (which the Newman Student Association of the Penn State Catholic Center sponsored), and had a better than average time.Then I saw "Bedtime for Bonzo" with Ronald Reagan's playing the lead rather than the chimp. After registration (for classes) i was going to decorate my office that afternoon, but I need a dustrag before I do anything else.Yesterday I went to see "Empire" once more at the Movies (name of the place in State College), then onto Mass at 4:45. I was just late enough to come in the front way before Mass started.So, I sauntered to WDFM to hear the albums I missed last week until almost 8 PM. However, no one signed up for Fresh Trax still, so I waited to see who would come in -- Howard MxxxxxThe rest was totally impromptu. Howard had come to do a comedy promo with Danno. So, I went in and took over with encouragement from Kenny Nxxxx, who had just left the Night Train, his show. I was as nervous as a cat at first, but by the third hour, I was into the groove.So, for the first time since May 1978, I actually did a show. Furthermore, it was the second time this week that I ran the board, the first time being Tuesday night. I ended with the album by Barnes and Barnes, "Vaboohaha" in place of the comedy show. It was an impromptu pleasure. Fri 12 Sept M & FI had a rough start as a graduate teaching assistant in Middle East History. Our first class began with a miscoördination of acting by Doctor Goldschmidt and slides. The course runs from Mohammed to Modern, although I am familiar only with the recent history. I took that course last winter term, after the hostage taking at our embassy in Teheran.I had my first section today. Because I was a latecomer to the course, I never met with everyone to coördinate our efforts. I took the quizzes to my office to grade, then I went to Pattee (Library).I went to the periodicals room. I found out that all of Canada had a telethon in Terry's honor on Monday. It was a new Marathon of Hope with celebrities, including fellow Americans performing in his honor.Terry has ignited a greatness that an entire nation has caught. I also saw that he's to receive the Order of Canada. If only our media would give this event some publicity!

The final mix of reality and fantasy of the Marathon of HopeI now end the series. Next I will finish the comic on this site.

My Terry Fox Fantasy

Winter Term 1980

Some political aspects of drawing vegetables
from the refrigerator (coolbox in Anglo-Saxon)

Rupert Holmes sings "Him", from February 1980 Alternate Diary The following is an integrated diary, between the real one and the fantasy one. In the fantasy are real events as well. In reality, I spent the summer of 1980 in State College and finished my two bachelor's degrees before I started grad school in September.

Tue 22 Jan FThree weeks into the resumption of winter term 1979-80, and already I'm too much into graduation in May. Having business classes on Saturday surely doesn't help. While I don't mind getting up early for classes, I wonder whether it's worth all the fuss to hope to avoid deadend jobs!The first shot at the GRE's is merely weeks away. I would've applied for the subject test as well, had I the time. Tue 29 Jan MThe future looks bleak without going to grad school. I was in QBA class when one of the problems used probability of starting salaries for business students. The grads split along 16K, which is overwhelmingly much for me. With my major, I'd be lucky to make half that much after graduation. Minimum is $3.35, which comes to a gross of $134/wk, or $6968/yr.Anyway, the end of the term approaches. So, I must decide how to finish up both degrees. I need a course in zoölogy for one and in art for another. I need six credits in drawing, which means 122, 220, and 222. I also need three more in humanities -- perhaps a course in Shakespeare or in religious studies. Sat 2 Feb FThe study for the GRE's didn't seem bad this afternoon, after the usual chaos from classes in the morning. In both, I feel like a part in a mass movement.Even though Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow, I don't mind the next six weeks of winter. I am busy planning the summer in Canada. It's been nearly two years since I was in Montréal, all three times in late April. Finally I'll see Québec in summer. Will Joe Clark still be prime minister? Sat 9 Feb MHas it really been sixteen years since I saw the Beatles on Ed Sullivan? Holy Barry Goldwater! By the way, he's supposed to be at the Republican National Convention this summer.I find myself fascinated with the shades of colors, from which a dictionary in the Engineering Library explains. I am signing up for three drawing courses next term, so I think I should buy a couple of sketchbooks! I tried one last fall, and I risk losing my drawings without a formal place to put them, like my diaries! Sun 17 Feb MThe end of the term approaches. There was a program on to parallel the famous Frankenstein novel, this time a Doctor Franken who succeeds in building a human-looking specimen. In the end, the good doctor is interested in how the new human being can integrate the various personalities. Fri 22 Feb No! Sat 23 Feb ROriginally this notebook would contain a few fined stories. As it stands now, I'll just put my diary in here.I have recovered somewhat from my nostalgia from a few years ago. I really haven't decided whether I'll go summer job hunting yet, but I'd better start with my résumés. I get so mad when I realize that what I wanted to do for so long has been so obvious. I want security, and if it takes another two years, so what? At this point, my diploma will be good for practically nothing....I still have no idea what I got in management and accounting, but if I may assume B's, it will make an acceptable term. The most important grade, history, is an A, so the rest of the term grades are almost irrelevant.. Anyway, the three business courses were mass produced, which I found extremely distasteful. Even business law at the Wilkes-Barre campus had a personal touch, despite the professor's calling us by "polite" last names.... Sun 24 Feb RWhat a day! I got up so late I missed Mass. Nonetheless, I'm glad I got to the bookhouse an hour and a half early rather than an hour -- they left me a nice mess to clean up, which I did with little time to spare.... Mon 25 Feb FWhew! One more term remains until graduation. I just have to clean up a few courses to finish....My time at WDFM has already become routine. I come in and check in records every day. The most come in on Mondays, sometimes in dozens of albums. It exposes me to much variety of music; and boosts my chances at broadcasting. Sat 1 Mar FWell, the grades are just what I expected. Now I must turn my attention from business toward finishing up my bachelor degrees. For the history degree, I just need the three art courses for the arts and either an English course or a religious studies course for the humanities. I need a zoölogy course for the general science degree. Mon 3 Mar FI am back in State College, preparing for my final term, at least as an undergraduate. If all go as planned, I will spent a wonderful summer in New England and Canada, then come back to graduate school. Thu 4 Mar RI just spent today drawing, as I am bored to death by doing nothing. I am so glad the break ends tomorrow, for I don't think I could stand being home for another full day. I certainly hope life isn't like this -- yecch! Fri 7 Mar RTonight I feel good about next term. I got all three of my art courses, so I'll spend almost half my time drawing. I hope I can do political cartoons; it will be a way out if I can't prof, and it will be a help if I can. This will be a term of opportunity for WDFM and biology, in that order. I can definitely drop business (courses) out -- I am tired of working for that slavedriver (trying to make myself more employable).Yesterday was quite a day. It was the first (time) this year I walked to campus unalone.... Sitting in for WDFM gave me an opportunity to meet some of the new power at the station. (Every spring term, the station has new student management.)....I've had it with Jerky Jimmy (Carter) and his amateurs. Provincialism should be outlawed. The rightwingers should have fun in South Carolina tomorrow.... I was going to go to the Lenten Services tonight, but I lost the time factor, so here I sit on a Friday night sewing paches on my jeans and writing letters.

Jimmy Carter and Ted Kennedy battle in the prima-
ries in the South on my bedspread with fruit.

Some political applications of drawing fruit on
my bedspread in late March 1980

If I had had the means to meet Terry Fox in the summer of 1980... For the entries: F means complete fantasy, R means real entry, M means memory of a real event written in 2010, instead of 1980.I also mix these elements in entries.HF means historical fiction. From June, the events will be historical fiction.

If we didn't have dreams, we'd have only reality. -- Porkypine, from the comic "Pogo"

My Terry Fox Fantasy

Early Spring 1980

The Spinners sing "Working My Way Back to You", from March 1980 March-April 1980Spring Term gets underway as my last undergraduate term.

Thu 20 Mar MZoölogy lab has a great view of the grounds around Müller (Laboratory Building at Penn State). Snow floated to the grass, but it did not stick. Somehow this kind of biology seems so different than the too easy ones at the Wilkes-Barre Campus a few years ago. I could have taken zoölogy in Winter Term 1976-7, but they then scheduled it to conflict with organic chemistry. Still, I wonder just what I missed by such an overeasy course. I feel cheated, but this one (course) could be too much! Sat 22 Mar RI received two pleasant surprises with GRE's in the mail. One was just that the results came in so early -- four weeks later than (when I took) the test -- and the results themselves: verbal 580 -- quantitative 660 -- analytical 540, 76-83-58- percentiles, respectively. Tue 1 AprApril fool! It's the middle of Holy Week, and I don't feel bad, but I don't feel good, either. Sunday night came with insomnia which made yesterday awful. Also yesterday, Dr Murray (my mentor) wasn't in. I think I'd like to be like Martin Luther, a professor at a university whether this be the Middle Ages or now....I should mull over my drawings from the engineering liberary last Saturday, especially of Brian Butler. ...I find art more fun than work; it is pure creation.

Note: this is a live sketch of a student in the
Engineering Library. I didn't become Alopex until 1985!

Sun 6 Apr MIt was a beautiful Easter. I took my sketchbook outside and sketched a few scenes around the former motel (where I'm currently living). I suppose color would have been even better. Still I feel good, despite the lingering doubts about this summer. Unemployment is rising, and a recession is on! Thu 10 Apr RI assaulted the job front, and it's fighting back quite hard. (Unemployment had begun to soar at this time.) I wish I'd find out about my graduate assistantship soon; I hate hanging in limbo like this. (That will be over three months later.)What a weirdo day! (What a coincidence -- weeks later that kid with lymphoma uses a similar phrase to Terry Fox in the movie "Terry": The worst ... is all my friends {are} so weirded out by me.) Last night, our figure drawing class joined the 120 class in 315 VAB (drawing class in the Visual Arts Building at Penn State), and from now on Wednesday nights, we will do so. I think the graduate assistant from 120 would make a great character in my collection. (Dave DiPietro resembled my math professor at the Wilkes-Barre Campus, Paul Putter.) Today in 122, I found an orange on the floor of the men's room and a drawing book still lying on the desk in 212 VAB. I haven't had any weird experiences since last Good Friday night when I had my cadaver dream (involving the passion of Christ). I'd love to dream that I had my assistantship (not until 21 July) and a job when I get out (hasn't happened yet in 2010).Tuesday in 122 we started pastels (which I still have in 2010), and, as if I don't have enough expense, I need color pencils for next time (which I still have in 2010!). Drawing in color was certainly more fun than dissecting fetal pigs (in zoölogy lab). I shudder to think about next week; it just never lets up. Although I like being busy, I don't want to end up starving in June on the street. (Actually, I ended up on welfare in the summer, so I definitely want to change that summer of 1980!)More about last night. I received encouraging words from Bill Welsh on my old drawings (in my figure drawing class, in which I received the only A of all the drawing classes), and the sunset bathed the western heavens with rainbow light (on my way to that class).

A cartoon which appeared in the Daily Collegian
and I redrew on Thursday, 10 April 1980 Jerry Brown drops out of the presidential race.

Wed 16 Apr RMonday depressed me, Tuesday proved to be a pip, and the Anderson coördinator didn't help either. Last night, I was tired enough to sleep from 6:30 to 9:40, but not enough to go back until 3:30 AM -- yeech! Jeff Wxxxxxxx gets on my nerves (at the student radio station).I had to mention to Tony (a neighbor at 13, while I was at 10) that A this is the first term (at Penn State) I didn't change anything (in courses) and B I never locked myself out. Monday caused me to drop (Art) 222, and Tuesday saw me leave the housekey home. Thu 17 Apr RI feel thoroughly frustrated today. Someone took my sketchbook with my 222 drop slip and card and my zoölogy lab notes. Fri 18 Apr FToday I regained what I lost, and I decided to keep 222, because I need it for graduation. I would be one credit short, and I don't want to spend the summer in courses. I want to travel through New England and Canada for a month, then come back to State College for the Arts Festival around my birthday.I will just have to endure the load at twelve credits. Dropping things seem to be just too convenient at this time. I may never get a chance to make this trip again. (From 2010, this statement foreshadows the upcoming events. The following actually happened:)I was explaining how I draw political cartoons in biology lab. I suppose knowledge of human anatomy helps draw political figures. I was trying to explain that earlobes can be attached or loose, so it's important to get them correctly drawn.

Tue 22 Apr MIt was a depressing date for us Anderson supporters. There was one fellow who had a sandwich sign at the polls. I just went in and voted. Originally I had offered a cartoon for a poster which emphasized the choice between Carter and Reagan as a choice between Scylla and Charybdis. I suppose it was too intellectual for them!Anyway, on Todd Jeffers' show on WMAJ, Brian Golden impersonated Jimmy Carter for the primaries. I finally figured it out (in 2010) that primaries in Pennsylvania are the third Tuesday in May on offyears and the fourth Tuesday in April on years of presidential elections, id est, leap years.With all the turbulence over the past month, I forgot to mention the death of Jean-Paul Sartre last week. Existential nausea describes much of what I feel right now. Saturday Night Live had s sketch where Sartre arrives in heaven."What did you expect?" he was asked."Nothing," he replied.Bill Murray announced that Sartre had passed from being into nothingness as well! Obviously, the comedians don't understand just what is being and what is nothingness! Wed 23 Apr FWell, as expected, Ronald Reagan won the Republican primary in Pennsylvania. John B Anderson should consider an independent run. The Republicans are so much in love with the former governor of California (in stark contrast to Jerry Brown with the Democrats).George Bush doesn't impress me as a moderate. I certainly would now switch registration for him. I supposed that I had such low expection I was not disappointed.

The squence of sketches I drew on Easter, Sunday, 6 April 1980 These scenes are just outside the former motelroom I occupied from 1978-84.

Many of these drawings I actually made in 1980, along with the diary. The fantasy drawings and entries will be noted as done in 2010.

If we didn't have dreams, we'd have only reality. -- Porkypine, from the comic "Pogo"